60 seconds of fame: Meet the Nairobian diva

Wilson Muriuki
Written by Wilson Muriuki
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What clicks in your mind when you
here of a Kenyan diva? For once just
assume she never wore mtumba nor
drunk supu ya mbuzi on her way
home from work. We know how
embarrassing it looks when a slay
queen wa Nai catwalks from a
butchery then halts to pick a call just
inches from the smoky mutura grill
posing like an actor on a stage hazed
with theatrical smoke. Erm, I guess
our Nairobian diva is different.

She is a know-it-all professional
makeup artist
With the rains catching our minji minji
unaware, it takes about 60 seconds to
completely wash off her expensive
makeup. Duh!! She ain’t ugly without
makeups but err, she just looks a bit
different. Save yourself 60 seconds of
judgmental looks and instead offer a
helping hand to a stranded sister:
Hold the tiny mirror she is giving you
with your left hand and her bag with
your right. Give her 60 seconds of
uninterrupted makeup time and
voila!! She has her makeup back, only
that she won’t do the walking till the
drizzling ends.

Seasoned window-shopper
Any Nairobian diva will tell you money
ain’t a problem. She has multiple
credit cards, notes stacked in her bag
and is a regular customer to mobile
money agents. Don’t mistake her 60
seconds of choosing what to buy to
window shopping. Of women envying
their own, I just can’t explain why.
Because she buys her expensive
shoes after i-don’t-know-when
doesn’t mean she’s a seasoned buyer.
Because her bag isn’t stocked with
girly stuff doesn’t mean she’s a fake
with little to show.

Lives by her common senses
What can you do in 60 seconds? While
it takes you the entire 60 seconds
thinking of what to do, a Nairobian
diva is different. Drop her in town and
ask her that question. Ahem, hope
you are willing to hear all she bubbles
because you will only pick a few
words in her fast chant.
Taste- she is a self-made
fashionista and her taste for
fashion is great.
Sight- Hawk eyed when it comes to
sampling hairstyles. A single sight
and she can tell it all from dreads,
braids to bantu while singling out
each by quality and duration the
diva she saw has been with it on
her head.
Smell- Ahaa! She can tell the
difference between exotic and fake
perfumes after a single sniff. What
of matching her clothes with
perfumes? Yeah, she knows which
perfume to wear with blue.
Hearing- Spare your giggles or low
toned hear-say for she can pick
every word about her and she is
not the subject, she can still hear
you. All she needs is 60 seconds of
concentration and every sonic
wave will strike her ear.
Touch- She has a touch of class.
Ask for a selfie with her and that
IPhone will walk the talk.
Pssst! Here is a secret for you men.
After she tries multiple dresses in that
boutique and she asks how she looks,
take 60 seconds gazing at her then
talk. Before you go i-have-been-
crushing-on-you at the bus stop, suit
up first!! And if you can’t fly your
Swiss tailor to Kenya, I can suit you

Lastly, if the traffic lights just blinked
green and you are in a hurry, make a
wish that a Nairobian diva attempts to
cross the road so that you take
advantage of the ripple effect she
causes. To your surprise, every engine
will stop, tires will screech to
emergency halts as she savors her 60
seconds of fame.

About the author

Wilson Muriuki

Wilson Muriuki

I write for fun :)
When I grow up, I want to be a chef
so that my writing style will be my
signature dish.,Santa, I got two
more wishes left!!

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