Humans can be suicidal sometimes, the measure or level of human judgement could easily take one into a non recovering mind stroke.So the other day as I go for milk for my evening tea;flour price has been taken care of but still no one has thought of the tea addicts but that isn’t going to stop me from my evening drink,its a custom our people will fight for to ensure it never erodes.My neighbor Talatala keeps two “kienyeji” cows that the entire village depends on for milk so we do early booking where first come is first served. As I pass the “nduthi guys” calls out in unison in their best local language.It’s their way of getting your attention and girls who turn to this dog calls are perceived cheap,that’s the community’s level of measure. I stand to talk to this village saloonist by the road.She makes my hair every time I want to get it done and my main isn’t in town. Another girl comes past us, I can’t help it so I let my eyes follow her butt, its what men terms as fine Ass though women with such assets refer to them as Bill paying Ass.I’d have disagreed on it with massive tangible reasons,but you don’t fight a bull with horns when your species don’t grow horns so I let the big butted team win.The nduthi guys in our local start discussing her butt.wait its her butt being discussed here,no permission granted by the holder its their right to evaluate its fineness and give verdict, “Iko ndani ndaaaaani ndani” they conclude.it’s part of what they do daily and will tell you what fine in terms of ass means and still explain to you the disability one has if she doesn’t have one. They’re men, no ass but they’ll tell you how wonderful it feels to have that kind of butt, I’d understand if all of them had women with that kind of butt but looking back I’m convinced its the kind of basic knowledge a man should have. I know how evil it is to question one about their butt but when this ass endorsed lady comes my way I can’t help but get one or two answers.she’s a friend to the saloonist who is updating me on the recent marriages in the village,who got dumped by who and who got a baby whose father is a deadbeat.Carroh is the lady’s name though the village boys call her “Nji” to describe her volumous pointed butt. “Niaje wanakuchangamkia hivyo?” I start up my untold interview referring to the ‘nduthi guys’.
(laughing) “ni vile nimebeba design wanapenda” Good response so I strike further. ” naskia ni bongapoints muhimu?” she’s calm and this time I’m sure I’ll get my point home so I prepare to strike. “Bonga points? hii ni jackpot mse,all my bills are paid by this!” she says tapping her behinds gently,they aint solid something shakeble.That was stern,sounded like I had underestimated her potential so I try to make it right and earn my peace in a low apology profile. “Wacha! si basi we uko sorted.stress eka mbali” That was positive,my apology accepted so she willingly gives me the lesson without pressure. “mi hulipiwa hao,maji,saloon,wardrobe na hata phone latest nikitaka naeza get sai” Ok,talking of wardrobe I’m wondering who furnishes it,it needs a serious update if they’re ever updated but for the village grading she’s definately ranked top.so I now get how the name Bill paying Ass comes around but still my curiosity is playing prove me right games so I still wanna dig in although I’m afraid I might put it the wrong way and end my longtime yearned for interview.so I go slow lest I trip. ” so ile unafanya ni kudisplay tu izo bonga points alafu tap!,your bills are paid ama kuna venye…”
I’m anxious,ain’t sure if I nailed it,so I wait. “Aiii,hii ni game yenye lazima ujue kuplay.kuna wale display inatosha but kuna wale wanadai kuprove what they see so ni kucheza yako” fantastic,she got a way of understanding and giving you the right feed.so there are different types of bill paying ass kinds.I wanna go further but you don’t abuse the hands that served you your most favourite so I reserve my unsatisfied curiosity.I agree to meet the saloonist the next weekend and we part ways.I go for my milk,I Know I’m already late and my milk must be kept aside for ‘customer wa kila siku’.on my way back I pass the nduthi crew again still at the sane spot though on a different topic now.I know I’ll never get their attention like “Nji” but atleast I know why,The Bill Paying Ass.I remember my pilled bills and how I can nolonger meet the Landlord in person,I want to curse my species but remember my dreams of raising a girl child so I swallow hard and bless my kind,it isn’t what society would do but atleast it’s what humanity is and the society could be wrong but the Bill Paying Ass is real and when you get an offer,none is free.It’s a BILL PAYING ASS.