I really suck when it comes to grief and I’ve never been good at handling grief but I still prefer burials to weddings.
I know what you’re thinking, ‘she’s weird’.
I am but I ain’t talking about the grief of losing someone to mother soil through death or the unwillingly giving away of one into hell or heaven.
I’m talking about the grief of seeing someone so close to you(extremely close) especially to the heart became close with someone else and you suddenly become the stranger.
He was sitting under a shady mango tree when I saw him.
He is a close friend,close enough to be my brother and we share much in common being that we both are big fans of this crazy life.
I knew he was disturbed. This was the second month since he broke up with his girlfriend after she cheated on him with a campus tycoon.
She seemed to be moving on pretty fine but he was drowning in his loss every day and I was afraid he might never get himself out of it.
“It’s gonna be okay Jeff,it’ll be okay”.
Pressing his shoulder gently,I didn’t know whether to hold him close to my heart and let him burry his head in my ridged chest and let him get his healing from the warmth inside me or whether to just stand there and watch him sink deep in his own pain.
“G, I love her. I can’t just get her out of my mind or my life. she’s all over my head and every thought of her drives me crazy. I want her. Tell me,what should I do”
I went dumb. What should he do?
I’m no savior but I promised to tell him what to do before the day ended.
I told him I’ll give him a call or I’ll just send him one of my random writings and I hope it answers him.
I’m wordy but I’m gonna try and be brief. ( It’s not a promise)
Okay,Let’s begin with the painful truth. She cheated. Not about money or about the calls she never picked..she cheated on you with another man. Helloo, does it ring a bell?
Is it the biggest mistake? did she break your heart so bad that she’s unforgivable?
See,if she loved you just the much she said she did, why then did she go for the magic stick from the other man when you are pretty sure your magic stick performs miracles?
Even when you did your very best,broke all rules for her,sinned for her salvation,she still left.
And here you are,however much your heart is in peaces and your whole body weak in shreds,you can’t stop thinking about her.
Every thoughts of her gives you heart attacks and your whole body goes numb from a feeling you can’t explain.
You can never forget just how well she bit your neck and you keep caressing the Dracula marks she left on your neck.
The melanin in her skin gives you wild thoughts and every memory of her nude gets you changing your wet pants.
I should be telling you to do away with the deceiving memories of the Delilah but you can also chose not to fight a shadow you know will forever be by your side and embrace it instead.
Truth is you’re really still into her and however much you try to move your eyes around for a new eye catching site, or get a well done massage or a heavenly Cork sucking treat, you’ll still mourn her loss.
If she was the only one that brought you to your knees,made you speak every new vocabulary when you’ve never seen the first page of a dictionary or been in a literature class. If only she can bring out the very best of you or if you just can’t forget how she steams hot like water vapour, then you’re fighting a losing battle.
If her picture is the last thing and first thing when you check when you wake up.
If you can’t keep her number out of your head and you spend the whole day scrolling her up and down wanting so much to press the green button.
If you can’t get her voice out of your head because you’re going crazy with every memory of her and her honey dripping lips makes you wanna do bad things, then you’ve got one choice.
Only one choice. Forgive her.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, we all get the part that this is one person who didn’t just crush your heart but carried a whole part of you with her.
It’s that kind of pain you can’t just put in words but however much your heart breaks and your life falls apart,you still want her. Only her.
See, nobody escapes the tremendous embarrassment of getting back together with someone who dumped you. The indignity is enormous and sometimes the fear is so overwhelming.
But you’re so in love. Or, at least, you were in serious lust — the kind where every sober instinct in your body is instantly shattered by the very specific flutter of a very specific set of eyelashes.
For a minute you forget she made you cry and curse being male.
You don’t care whether another of your kind has been banging and sucking out every drop of juice left in her and all you want is her.
Then, Forgive her.
Forgive her merciless and cruel heart.
Forgive her for every pain she brought you. For the sleepless night and the many visits you made to your doctor because you thought your heart wasn’t in its right place.
Forgive her for mocking your miraculous magic stick by riding on another.
Forgive her for the shame she brought you and how weak and powerless she made you feel.
Forgive her dirty sins and go get her.
Go find her and drag her from her new found heaven because without her you’re in hell.
Take her away from the thief of your life and hold tight onto her because she’s your healing and you wanna have eternity.
Forgive her OR Forget her.
Forget she ever existed as part if your life.
Forget she was the reason you dropped something you were on to get her anything she asked for because she was your everything.
Forget that she was the reason you lost friends and committed only to her.
That she was the reason you left the church choir because her body was the kind of temptation you couldn’t fight.
Forget that she was the reason you smiled so bright and cried so painfully.
Forget that she was your ’till death do us’ apart and start looking for your forever.
What you should do?
Forgive her OR Forget her.