Reagan Jason
Written by Reagan Jason
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As the days pass slowly,
And weeks creeps by,
I find myself observing,
About the ways I would die.

I lay awake at night,
Thinking of my pain,
There is no way it can get better,
I have nothing left to gain.

Suddenly thoughts of death,
Are controlling my every move,
And every battle with my mind,
I always seem to loose.

I no longer want to be around,
The people that I love,
All I can think about,
Is what is waiting above.

I cut my arms with razor blades,
To dull the pains inside,
But that cant las long,
I do not want to be alive.
I manage to keep my composure,
When people are around me,
They wouldn’t understand me,
So I don’t make a sound.

I smile when I have to,
I breakdown when I shouldn’t,
I know I should be strong,
But also I know I won’t.

So I make a plan to take some pills,
It shouldn’t take so long,
I write notes to all my friends,
To read when I am gone.

I ask my mum to understand,
That life is too hard,
My mind can’t fight anymore,
My heart is too far scared.

I plan it out so perfectly,
I even set time and date,
I am pretty sure I am ready,
I know this is my fate,

She had left me at the point of need,
My happiness has disappeared in the thin air,
Solitude was my company each day,
Just because I had become a nobody.

My bed is made so neatly,
As I take them one by one,
I start to feel too scared,
I know am almost done.

All I think about,
Is how I am letting go,
And how much I love my family,
I really hope they know.

My eyes were getting heavy,
My body feels so weak,
Everything inside is so numb,
That is the way it has to be.

I am glad mum is not here right now,
To watch me die slowly,
But still I wish I could say,
‘I love you and good bye’

I give in to the darkness,
I slowly slip away,
I hope I go to heaven,
Where dark turns to day,

I wake up in confusion,
I don’t know where I am,
Is this heaven or hell?
The land of eternally damned?

There are people around me,
Although I can barely see,
I can hear soothing voices,
Of people dear to me.

My family and friends are here,
Comforting one another,
I can hardly make out any words,
Until I hear my mother.

Each tear she cries,
Feels like a knife stabbing my soul,
I let my pain and suffering,
Blind me from my goal.

At one point I was determined,
To make it through this test,
To lead a life of fulfillment,
And to do my best.

But I somehow lost the sight of it all that,
I hope she can forgive me,
I promise not to waste this,
My second chance of life.

I sit up in my hospital bed,
Tears streaming down my cheeks, My mother rushes over crying,
Like she has not seen me in years.

I tell her that I am sorry,
For causing so much strive,
I tell her I will succeed,
I, leading a better life.

Together we figured out away,
For me, to get some help,
I know now that I can go to her,
Instead of doing it myself.

I know that it is not over yet,
It is a long road up ahead,
But I appreciate the little things,
Because I could be dead.

Even though I lost her,
Even though it took away my physical abilities,
It may have decided to start the fight,
But my determination would finish it.

I have learned to live each passing day,
As if it were my last,
I look forward to the future,
And learning from my past.

In life we must have a blueprint so that wherever we step and move on there should be a legacy left, none has a health problem like a cancer to be his or her portion, we should be proud for who and whatever we are, having cancer is not a death sentence rather a life sentence that pushes you to live. The battle is not about opportunity you get, it’s about strength, determination, passion and hope you got in yourself, if you cannot fly then run if you cannot run then swim if you cannot swim then walk if you cannot walk then crawl ,by all means what matters is you keep moving.

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Reagan Jason

Reagan Jason

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