SHADES OF SIN.
It’s in the middle of the night, I can’t sleep. My head is in whirls and sleep is something I’ll handsomely pay for were it to forever happen to me every time I got into sheets, and especially now when my eyes can’t do me the favor of closing up and my brains taking a rest. I pick up my phone and dial her number. ‘good enough’ is her caller tune, my entire being is now fully awake. Her line just went through, she must be still awake. If she never puts off her phone at night then she must be up talking to someone, the person must be really special, her mother? Of course not, she’s home. Chills of fear run down my bloodstream, a wave of cowardice engulfs me. ‘what are you doing niggah? Its past one in the night, she’s not your girl, what are you gonna say? Wake up man, she’s just a crush, she’s definitely another mans. suck it up, sleep’. the voice in my head has never been a quiet one, we are ever arguing on every single matter in my life and either way, he always win. ‘yea, what was I thinking anyway?’.I’m about to hang up when her voice comes through , “hello, sasa Tim,hujalala bado” “ poa sana Shun,aah..uum..actually I was just about to sleep and I thought I should say goodnight..aah pole, that time part skipped my mind ,I’ve been working on some project” ‘hell niggah! What’s wrong with you? Come on, tell her how you’ve been secretly watching her moves, tell her how she drives you insane when her hair falls on her sides and she looks up with that killer smile, tell her how you bite your tongue when staring at her lips, tell her how you can’t sleep because she’s all over your head and soon enough you’ll be unable to succumb to the pressure of breathing at the thought of her’ the voice in my head is growing loud, a little more stubborn today, the little adviser seems to be growing impatient quit fast. Her voice brings me back from my side talk with my little friend, I’ve always believed he is my guardian angel watching over me all days. “ooh, thanks I’m also having a hard time sleeping.” “ooh really?..are you okay? I mean.. ‘blush! what should I even say?’..I mean, you can talk to me you know” I am now afraid she would end up hearing the growing loud beats of my heart. Ever since I saw her in the art class, my heart had taken up this tendency of rising its beats probably higher than 72 per second every time I thought of her. Was I afraid? That didn’t feel like fear, the feeling was overwhelming, it couldn’t be explained. Things were getting pretty smooth especially after she willingly gave me her number after the art class, we had become friends, yes ‘friends’ I wanted to stop at that, ‘friends’ but my entire system couldn’t let me settle for that, and the more I tried to keep to the ‘friends’ agreement the more wild I became, I had to give my system the pleasure of normal functioning under abnormal circumstances, this was one and I had to try pretty hard. ‘you have to try Tim, it’s now or never ‘ “..Tim?” she has been saying something to me. How could I even concentrate on what she was saying? Her voice, my! I’d listen to it all day, have it as my caller tune, my alarm, my reminder tune. Blunder, how could I even ask her what she had just said? what will she think, sleeping on the phone while she’s talking to me? I wasn’t going to spoil this golden chance, “yes Shun, nakuskiza,just talk to me” “..ata sijui kama inaeza kuwa fixed, my mom will kill me akijua nilienda nayo to my friends place,she never wants it to leave the house. jeez! how am I supposed to know what she’s even talking about? she’s left no clue for me to build on. ‘you’re losing it Tim, come oon! read in between the lines, whatever she’s talking about must be so dear to her mom ,don’t slip, its trippy here ’ “ eeer ..I’m not sure Shun but if you don’t mind maybe you can come Tao kesho tuone how we can fix it before your mom finds out ” I hope her next word gives me an idea of what she’s actually talking about because I’m not going to ask her to repeat that whole part, I Wasn’t going to mess things up, I hope she gives me something, anything to get me back on track. “aaaaaw,aki thanks sana Tim, I didn’t know how to do it, hope you’ll be able to help, sitaki kelele na mom” “ don’t mention it Shun, you know I’ll do anything for you, what are friends for?” “aki thanks. So nikam na io CD ya new software? Uyo beste yangu told me I need to install a new software ” bingo! Software says it all, it must be a problem with her moms laptop. ‘Tim your star tonight is shining bright, you got this ’ my little adviser in my head can’t just keep quiet, I almost shout out loud with joy, this isn’t what I had expected. Well I guess lack of sleep was not only doing me harm, it was just about to change my life, if that was life, more good now than harm. ‘geek boy ’ is what my team guys call me, they all for sure know that I’ll never put down my laptop unless it’s something to do with shun or if I was taking my favorite pineapple pie. I had helped them with all their projects a hundred and one times and they’d all come to me when they were up to some mischief with other people affairs, they were ever nosing and whenever they needed hacking or cracking issues they’ll come knocking at my door. I was smart, I’ll do it, I’ll impress her then..then what? “it’s ok cutie, no need ill handle that, I’ve got a number of software versions and we can try anything you want, wewe come tu na lappy” I hope I sound professional, genious ,to her I really want to. “aki thanks sana Tim, I’m glad you called. Nikam sangapi? Wapi?” ‘there man, you’re almost done with your step one, just don’t ruin it’ seems the little lad in my head today was so determined to see me win on this. ‘ok little man, I won’t let you down, not today ’ I almost say it out loud, almost ruining everything, my hard earned chance. “Aah.. unaeza come hapo Turskeys , kitu 11 am?” ‘Turskeys?damn Man! there are a lot of places in town, you..’ ‘shut up!’ this time I’m so close to shouting out loud, so close to ruining what the silent night just bore..she came back on line, much relaxed,” ni sawa Tim, aki na usikose.have a goodnight. ‘come on man, wrap this up before you lose it, you’ve got to prepare for tomorrow ’. I want to get hold of that fucking voice that couldn’t just let me do things my way, silence it forever but however how much I hated it at times,I knew it was never going to leave and I had gotten too used to it that we had become fine partners and I always got myself obeying. “see you there beautiful, sleep well ” I hung up, it’s almost two in the morning. I’ve got a few hours to sleep before 11 am. excitement is taking the better part of me and sleep isn’t going to be something I’m gonna pay for anymore. ‘relax, you did well for starters, tomorrow gonna be much better ’ ‘you are right buddy, tomorrow..I mean today’s gonna be much better. And hey, I ain’t a starter no more ‘. I close my eyes..its gonna be much better…
Watch out for part two of SHADES OF SIN
By Gracey Eunice.