As I always sit in some quiet place in the university ,I do observe many dudes and chicks in some fancy relationships.Yes! that’s part of life and Now i want to talk about it.ready? well here we go….
In this post we are going to look at how to break the vicious cycle of chronic annoyance and restore some peace. Still, in any intimate relationship, feeling annoyed at times is par for the course. So what can do in the moment when you’re irritated, exasperated, or annoyed by your partner’s quirky ways? This post looks at 5 strategies that can help you regain your sanity and retain your connection. And the next post looks at 4 secrets to keeping your relationship on a kinder, gentler track.
A woman writes in, explaining how she is embarrassed by her husband, who does yard work without his shirt on. She is sure that the neighbor ladies are scandalized by his protruding belly and his graying chest hair, and asks whether he is being rude. Abby congenially suggests that he is doing nothing scandalous and should not be nagged for it. While this response is kind and reasonable, it doesn’t address the real burning question: How is this woman supposed to deal with the fact that her husband’s behavior is annoying the crap out of her?
Whether you’re annoyed by your partner’s appearance, health, behavior, habits, quirks, or lack of skill, sophistication, smarts, or charm, here are some tips for not only soothing the flames of indignation, but also lessening your tendency to feel annoyed.
Replace judgment with humility. When you’re becoming judgmental, question your evaluation and practice humility by pondering the following questions: Is it true that my partner falls short? Does my opinion matter? Who died and made me king/queen of what’s right and good? Are my standards absolutely infallible? Is it my place to question my partner’s path, preferences, or quirks? Remember, it’s okay to have standards and a chosen path, but recognize that they are your standards and it’s your path, and no one else is bound to abide by them.
Look in the mirror. When you’re annoyed, this often says more about you than your partner. Perhaps your aggravation is a reflection of your own sensitivities, worries, or perfectionistic tendencies. Perhaps his/her behavior is reminding you of your own detested shortcomings. Perhaps his/her habits are highlighting your own inability to stick to your standards or goals. So when you feel annoyed, look in the mirror and turn your focus toward applying your standards to yourself. Alternatively, you can choose to examine and let go of unrealistic or unkind standards. This will set you free—and by extension, make it easy for you to let your partner off the hook.
Question your assumptions AND don’t take it personally. One of the most trying aspects of being in partnership is worrying about others judging your partner and then you by association. First, question your assumption that “the neighbor ladies are offended.” Recognize that just because you are annoyed by your partner’s behavior or appearance, this doesn’t mean everyone else is. And even if they are, they can likely shrug it off and get on with their lives. And rest assured, if others are being judgmental or annoyed, they are assessing your partner, NOT YOU. And if they do judge you for your partner’s missteps, you’d do well to distance yourself from them.
See the quirks as enriching your partnership. It’s simply inevitable that, when two individuals blend their lives together, quirks become apparent and conflict results. But when you ban, resist, or resent quirks and conflict, you’re only adding to your distress. Instead, embrace what is and see dealing with quirks as an opportunity to practice better communication skills, reveal your true selves, and get what you want. You can also learn how to let go of control and go with the flow. Although painful at times, these moments of vulnerability, when handled with care, can deepen your connection. Learning to deal with quirks and annoyances is a challenge but also leads to personal growth. For more information and support around embracing what is and mindfulness-based reframing, see the power of The Work.
Humor can be the best medicine. The route to humor can be found in expressing your greatest fear, taking imagined consequences to extremes, or shining a light on a truth about yourself. “You should handle money my way because I’m so brilliant at it, I have billions to my name, right?” Or “I hate how stubborn you are because I want to be the King of Stubborn!” Or even, “If I drive you crazy, will you promise to take me with you?”
When you’re in the heat of feeling annoyed, it is hard to stop, take a deep breath, and bring your mind to one (or more) of these solutions. But with practice, it will get easier. Even hours later, or whenever you mull over what irritated you, practice implementing these solutions so that they become familiar to you. Gradually, you’ll be able to implement them earlier and more often.
The next post, the third and final in this series, looks specifically at ways of being in your relationship, to proactively ward off the chronic annoyance that plagues so many couples. The magic of all these strategies is that, as you become more accepting and adoring of your partner, your partner actually becomes more acceptable and adorable to you, quirks and all.