Yout’man Hustle: Journal of a professional quack

Wilson Muriuki
Written by Wilson Muriuki
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Education is the key, but to a hustling
Yout’man, it takes more than
meditation to convince him so. That
matatu tout is possibly an acturial
science graduate but the only risks he
calculates are those of congirls-come-
slayqueens asking for change after
paying no fare. That masseur might
be a petroleum engineer by
profession but the closest he has
come to a petroleum product is when
he works your back with petroleum
jelly. You definitely know of a civil
engineer graduate who only tarmacs
looking for a job. What if that learned
yout’man lands a job? He is possibly
working for that D student who’s stuck
and needs a brainy fellow for fleshing
his bony creative ideas. What if he had
an option of cashing from his
“education”? Yeah, he can be a
professional quack, but sadly not for
so long.
SEO and affiliate marketing
So your furahi days are nowadays
black Fridays. Hmm… and you have
mentioned Jumia Black Friday to your
pals till they think of you as Jumia’s
brand ambassador but you have
never cashed in from that? Dust your
marketing books, polish your sales
skills and try your luck in affiliate
What of subscribing for Ads and being
paid ksh10 for every click? Hey, you
can also get a cut from every
purchase made through your Ads. A
consistent click of about 300 clicks
daily at ksh10 is ksh3000 and
ksh90000 in a month. Still scripting
your CVs for that marketing job that
attracts ksh30000 from a daily 8 hours
Technical jobs
You spent 2 years wearing an oily
dustcoat while learning that Motor
Vehicle Mechanic course in your
hood. Am not in the business of
calling names but I know you: a
jobless Interior Designer with
unrivaled creative skills. Yeah, you. You
have tried charging ksh2000 but still
can’t get a steady flow of jobs? Worry
no more. What if your local hardware
operators knew of your skills? You will
be the consultant when it comes to
choosing the best paint and finishing.
If you get paid ksh200 separately for
consultation service by 5 different
hardware operators, that is ksh1000
daily and a minimum of ksh26000 a
month. What if you became a
professional mobile mechanic too?
A good thing with research is that, all
that matters​ is your research skills.
Forget about being a corporate
researcher and be that professional
quack whose knowledge base is
founded on four years of college
education. So who is your targeted
client? Consider these:
Baba Calvo’s calves are never of
the breed he’s always seeded his
cows with. Why not employ you, an
Agricultural Extension know-how
and get that cash plus a wa-
ng’ombe title?
Gone are the days of juke box but
fresh juice is a must-drink as
nutritionists claim. Why not come
up with a juice box and make
deliveries to pulpy juice lovers? Of
course you will profit a lot, since
your catering course is still fresh in
your mind.
Of demand are professional quacks;
only regulatory bodies know the
opportunities available.

Psssst!!! They
are many but you need to be a

About the author

Wilson Muriuki

Wilson Muriuki

I write for fun :)
When I grow up, I want to be a chef
so that my writing style will be my
signature dish.,Santa, I got two
more wishes left!!

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